I Need You Too
by Xavalanche
Summary: One shot song-fic about Chuck's battle between what his heart wants and what he feels he should do.


As much as I love Charah and I am a huge shipper, I couldn't help but do a little angst fic. I don't know, I don't really like it. It definitely didn't turn out how I wanted it to but I thought I'd post it anyway.

The story isn't related to the song line for line, but I stuck with the basic idea of it, especially the chorus. The song is Zephyrus by Bloc Party.

I hope to move away from the one-shot song fics soon, just using them to get used to writing Chuck stories.

Disclaimer: If I owned Chuck, season 3 would be back tomorrow.

* * *

**Backwards, forwards but making no ground at all****  
****Standing in the city with the clocks counting one****  
****And your face is still wet from the fight before****  
****As your tears hit the ground, blue flowers spring from them****  
****Baby, I'm ashamed of the things I put you through****  
****Baby, I'm ashamed of the man I was for you**

Chuck just could not forget the look on Sarah's face. He could not forget the hurt and the loss that was present in her blue eyes, the desperation in her voice when she had asked him to choose her or his new girlfriend, Melissa. And a picture that would be permanently stuck in his mind was of Sarah, turning around and walking away from him when he couldn't answer her, he couldn't choose. He had told her it was because Melissa needed him and if it weren't for the fact that he had been so close to her, he would not have heard Sarah whisper: "I need you just as much as they do".

**And all you said in your quietest voice****  
****Was "I needed you as much as they do"**

It all started **six months ago** when Chuck had decided that he could not put himself through the torture of his fake relationship with Sarah anymore. He had finally had it with the lies and insecurity, so much so that he screamed at Sarah, demanding to know how she felt about him, and she had said nothing. He walked out on her then and decided he wasn't going to look back.

A week later, they still weren't talking and as time passed, it came down to them talking only when it was necessary and Sarah asking him how he was doing once in awhile. Neither of them ever spoke about Chuck's confrontation but things weren't the same between them, not even close.

**Five months ago** he had met Melissa. She came into the Buy More, looking to buy a new computer and seeing the rest of the nerd herd was unavailable, Chuck was there to answer all her questions. By the time she was ready to leave, he had her number and a date for the next night. He couldn't believe it, especially since she had been the one to ask him out. He agreed of course, she was beautiful and it was one more way for him to get his mind off Sarah.

The date went well and there was another, and another and before he knew it, him and Melissa were officially together. Months went by and Sarah became more distant and cold, he tried speaking to her a few times, even tried apologising, but she wanted nothing to do with him.

**How fast must we run before we can just take off in flight?****  
****How far must we run before they do not recognise us?****  
****So let's take this from the start, you'll be me and I'll be you****  
****And let's try not to complain about your smoking****  
****And my distant heart****  
****And my distant heart****  
****And my distant heart**

**one month ago**

He was falling for Melissa and a couple of months later he could have even said he loved her, but the truth was he would never be able to love another woman the way he loved Sarah, but his life had been at a standstill for too long. When he broke the news to Ellie and Awesome that he had decided to propose to Melissa, he wasn't surprised that they were a bit sceptical about the idea. He begged them to trust him, he told them that he loved Melissa and that he wanted to be with her. Devon told him it was great that he felt that way and that they would support him if he was sure of his decision, but Ellie still refused to believe that Melissa was the one for him.

She pushed him to fight for Sarah one more time, said he should try and see things from Sarah's point of view. Ellie believed she had her reasons for being distant and introverted, but Chuck didn't want to hear it, he was done with Sarah.

He had not only put his heart on the line so many times, but he'd given Sarah everything he could offer her and she had taken it all and shoved it back into his face, he just couldn't go through that anymore. Melissa was a great woman, beautiful, loving, strong willed and hassle free. Sarah would always be the love of his life but that doesn't mean he was meant to be with her.

**And all you said in your quietest voice****  
****Was "I needed you as much as they do"**

**Present**

**(Too many mirrors in this house)**

Sarah's voice kept playing over and over in his head. "I need you too", she had said. She needed him, she admitted that she needed him. Chuck didn't know what he was supposed to do. Tonight was the night that he was supposed to propose to Melissa, but Sarah had begged him not too. Getting up from his bed, Chuck went to his mirror and stared at the reflection in it. He thought back to the man he was when he felt he had a slight chance at a future with Sarah and he compared that man to the man he was today, one with the chance of a future with Melissa. He didn't even have to think for long, he knew which man was happier, but he also knew which man had been through the most pain.

**(And I don't like to see myself like this)**

**(I'm becoming the man I used to be I guess)**

But he loved Sarah.. oh how he loved her. He thought he had managed to wipe away some of the love he held for her but being so close to her today, hearing her confess her feelings for him, he knew that the amount of love he held in his heart for Sarah would never go away. And knowing that, he also knew what his decision would be, he just couldn't bear to continue looking at himself in the mirror while knowing he was going to hurt one out of the two women that he loved. And he also knew which one it was going to be.

**Three hours earlier**

She had found out from Casey that he intended on asking Melissa to marry him that evening and came to talk to him. They drove in silence all the way to Casa Bartowski and when they arrived there, she got out of her porche and made her way to the fountain. Having no other option but to follow her, Chuck sat down beside her and looked on, waiting for her to say whatever it was she wanted to say.

"Chuck, I know I have no right to say this but I'll say it anyway. I don't want you to marry Melissa." He continued to sit in silence, shocked at what Sarah had just said. "Why?", he asked her.

"Because it would kill me to see you married to someone else. That would mean that my final chance at being happy would be gone. And I know it's not my place and it's extremely selfish of me to ask this of you, but I just had to try Chuck." He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Before he could say anything else, she continued.

"I'm sorry, so sorry for everything I've put you through, especially over the past few months, but the thing is... I was scared Chuck. I've never felt so strongly about anyone. I've been hurt so many times before and as much as I trust you, I couldn't help but fear that you'd hurt me too... I... I love you." Sarah paused briefly and Chuck used that as an opportunity to jump in.

"Sarah, I would never intentionally hurt you." He paused, contemplating whether or not he should say what was on his mind. "The thing is, I love you. I still do and I probably always will. But I love Melissa too, she's been good to me and I can't just leave her. And you and I, I'm not sure if we're meant to be together. After all we've been through, I just don't know if I can take anymore." He watched Sarah's eyes begin to fill with tears and it was almost enough for him to forget all about Melissa, but found the strength to continue.

"My friends, Ellie, they need me to be emotionally stable and Melissa needs me, and I need them. I'm sorry Sarah, but I need to move on." He stood up, signalling to her that it was the end of the conversation because if he stayed any longer, he would forget all about the reasons why he shouldn't be with her.

**(These walls could tell you a thing or two)****  
****(Things that you really don't want to know)****  
****(Lend me your eyes for your point of view)****  
****(Lend me your feet and I'll stand up for you)**

As he turned away from her, she grabbed his arm. He turned back to look at her and saw the pain in her eyes. "Chuck, that's not good enough. Those are not good enough reasons to deny what your heart is feeling. I know I've hurt you, but try see things from my point of view.

"Sarah, I can't. I'm sorry. I love you, I do, but they need me".

"Chuck, forget them, listen to your heart. Me or her, just choose, it's that simple." He just looked at her, he couldn't choose, he just couldn't. His heart obviously chose Sarah but he had had enough with following his heart. Sarah looked at him, waiting for an answer but he couldn't answer her. After a few seconds passed, she gave him one last look and the pain he saw in her eyes was almost too much for him to bear. Just as she turned away, he heard her say. "I need you just as much as they do".

**Present**

Chuck got on his knees in front of his mirror and began to cry. He knew exactly what he wanted but he didn't know if he could bear to hurt other people to get it. But as he plays Sarah's last words over and over in his mind, he couldn't help but whisper out loud.

"Sarah, I need you too."

**And all you said in your quietest voice****  
****Was "I needed you as much as they do"**


End file.
